fist bump

when I got back from my mission I debated if I was going to keep blogging or not.  I certainly don't want this to be one of the million other blogs that returning sister missionaries write to just reminisce about their missions .... but I can't promise that I won't throw in mission stories.... because lets be honest while everybody was here getting married and falling in love, I wasn't haha so I have nothing to contribute to those conversations.... yet ;)

any way something that's been on my mind a lot since getting home is fear. oh man i learned so much about fear the past while. some days i'd just wake up and i was afraid to even have to start the day.  I realized  though that fear is just a way that Satan tries to control and stop us (yes here comes the rm in me). 

so what is fear? whenever I try to define it these are the words that come to my mind: school, future, rejection, contention, inadequacy.... ok so it's not the Webster's definition... it's actually what I'm afraid of.... things that sometimes control me. 

last night at institute we were studying 2 nephi 2 and specifically talking about how we are here on earth to act and not be acted upon. The only thing that can and will act upon us is the law of justice. SO WHY DO I LET MY FEARS ACT ON ME!?

my second and third transfer on my mission i started every morning by vomitting because I was so anxious! (sorry gross mental image there... and no i was bulimic.... clearly..... since i gained 20lbs) those fears were controlling me.  what helped?? well at the time the mission was reading the book of mormon and highlighting every verse that referenced Jesus Christ. it was the atonement. learning about Christ. The answer to all of life's problems is to love Christ more.

I love this video by elder scott about fear vs. faith in Christ it's exactly what I had to do to be able to be ok during that really terrifying time.

great news! overcoming fears can be done, partner up with the savior! trust god! he wants us to succeeded!

xoxo
Kal

we all just want to be wanted

i have a favorite band... that i found all on my own with out michael's help (i'm really proud of that).  plug in stereo is AWESOME! and a couple of summers i actually got to go to their concert and meet trevor.  way way cool!

any way he just came out with a new song called "to be wanted". i love it! it has a great message.  because every body does just want to be wanted.  and i'm not even just talking about in the lovey dovey way.  i mean in the way of just feeling accepted.  everyone wants to know that there are people out there who love them regardless of what mistakes they might make, or how weird they are. 

my sisters are totally the ones who i can turn to always. they seriously are always there for me and they always always always want me.  

click here to check out the song

also click here for some other great new songs <3  

a winter wedding

yesterday one of my very best friends married the love of her life.  he is honestly one of the best guys that i know.  it was an absolutely beautiful day that started out with all of the bridesmaids getting ready with the bride at gigi and bryson's apartment at 7:30.   i was able to actually go to the sealing (how blessed right?!!?!) so i had to be to the temple by 10:30.  everyone was waiting at the temple by 11:30 and from there we went and took pictures, had a luncheon, and took some more pictures...... in a blizzard!

waiting for the beautiful couple outside the temple

don't worry though we managed to stay warm by cramming 4 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen into 1 car meant for 5 people.  we roll classy.... is that even a saying?!

even though there was a blizzard outside we still managed to make it to the most beautiful home in mapleton for the reception. once we got all the candles lit and linens out it had to be the most magical romantic reception i had ever been too.  i serve all sorts of wedding receptions working at the joseph smith memorial building and i have to say that this was the best reception i had ever seen. ever.

i don't know if i have ever seen a bride and groom look more in love.  i was in tears half the day just from looking at them.  my two dear friends make each other so happy! their first dance was divine, their cutting of the cake was classy, and i don't know of two people more lost in each other's eyes.

me and kim caught the bouquet.... not really sure what that means since i'm going on a mission and all..... and mike shaw caught the garter.  we had so much fun dancing the night away and even though the heater went out, after a while we just went numb and the cold didn't bother us any more.  besides we had the mistletoe to keep us warm if you know what i mean ;)

i didn't want the night to end! it seemed like all of us had slipped into a magical fairytale land where we all were going to be best friends forever and play all the time, it was a reality it wasn't just dream people really do get married and they really can be this happy. kim and i kept saying days like this don't seem real.  none of us were leaving in the morning.  it wasn't the last time all of us would be together for 2 years. nothing could get us down... not even the cold.  unfortunately the night did end and i did wake up this morning and i do have to go to work.  gabby is headed back to texas, kim and sabrina to california, gigi and bryson to north carolina, and the next time all of us will be back together will be after my mission.

bridesmaid loves

look me and clayton are friends again! 

the last time we will all be together in 2 years

i guess that's why we have beautiful memories.  forever i'll be able to look back and remember my last day with my best friends in this stage of life as a day full of love.  magic. it was a sending off of gigi and bryson's old life and embarking into their new life. it was a close of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. we all are going to look back on the time before with fondness and maybe even longing sometimes, but time moves forward.  it's a beautiful thing marked by beautiful days.  it is happiness.

wednesdays

wednesdays are a special day. on wednesday june 24th, 2009 i decided it was time for me to change my life.  i took control. i made a conscious decision to be happy. it was the hardest decision i had made up to that point.  it was the decision to end a relationship that was toxic (and not the brittney spears toxic... name that movie?!). i wasn't happy immediately after making that decision, in fact i cried more that summer than i think i ever have.  but i learned a lot about myself, and what i was capable of.  i learned that i was strong. i learned that i can get whatever i want if i  put my mind to it, and if it is what god wants me to do.

this picture was taken the day after i made that big decision, it was the dress up day at efy

the next wednesday that was significant was wednesday november 24th, 2009.  it was in the first minutes of that day that me and michael held hands for the first time.  it was the beginning of a relationship that literally changed my whole outlook on life.  it was when the bar for guys that i would date in the future was raised. it was one of the happiest, most nerve racking, terrifying days of my life.  i didn't know what was going to happen but i could tell that life was never going to be the same. 

the essence of us

on wednesday august, 25th i left everything that i knew, my family, my friends, my house, my ex-boyfriend michael, and moved to provo.  i started college at brigham young university. i grew up to an extent that day.  i used what i had learned over a year before i knew that i was strong.  i knew that i could do this. it was the hardest year of my life, emotionally. i had never felt so insignificant in my entire life. i kept going. i never gave up. and i made some of the best friends i have ever had!

me and my freshman room mate siri on the first night of college

wednesday november, 16th 2011 was a wonderful day.  i woke up and went to work but ended up leaving early because me and michael were meeting at the draper temple to do baptisms.  then we went to ikea and walked around pretending we were newly weds picking out our furniture (all michael's idea.... and apparently we were really well off newly weds because we were buying new furniture at ikea).  we followed that up with lunch at zupa's where we found out that michael's visa didn't come through and he would be reporting the next day to the provo mtc.... the provo mtc where i work.... awkkkiiiieeee. the day ended with us sitting in the car overlooking draper. we said goodbye that day. we got in our cars and drove our separate ways.  i have never had to depend on my savior more.  i knew what michael was doing was so right and so good it was hard for me to be sad.  i didn't want to be sad.  he was so excited and SO ready to get out there.  i learned so much about the atonement during that time.  i knew that i wasn't alone, and i knew that the best thing i could do was to grow and learn from this experience.

while me and michael's day ended at draper my day continued on with an andy grammer concert that night see look at how much fun i was having!

now i am waiting for another wednesday.  a wednesday that is terrifying, exciting, and slow to come.  wednesday march 13th, 2013.  this wednesday is going to change. my. life. after that day i will never go back to being kalli wyatt, i will forever be improved by being sister wyatt.  sister wyatt the missionary for the church of jesus christ of latter day saints.  i cannot wait! it's finally my chance to give back to the lord for all that he has done for me! 140 days. 4 months and 17 days away. wednesday will come.

thoughts on dating

as a byu student obviously dating is a subject that is thought about, talked about, and dreamed about on the daily.  we can't help it! i mean what are we supposed to do when there are so many attractive, and worthy options available to try out.  it's like baskin robins on crack!

a few months ago i helped out with the mueller park stake youth conference by participating on a dating panel.  i have to say i was really intimidated! while i have had some experience in dating, i feel that it is still limited.  i wouldn't ever say i am one of those girls who has a date every weekend and has to turn guys down because my schedule is just too packed.  to be quite honest i have not had a serious boy friend since i have moved to college.  me and michael did date on and off since i graduated from high school, but i haven't met anybody here that i felt like would be boy friend material.  that doesn't mean that the majority of guys i have gone on dates with haven't been phenomenal guys, it just means that there just wasn't that spark!

apparently i'm just really picky.

but have learned a thing or two in the relationships that i have been in, AND through all the dates that i have been here at BYU.

1. the standards in the for strength of youth are there for a reason.  this might sound really molly mormon of me, but take it from a girl who has learned through the school of hard knocks.  in high school i always had a boy friend.  some of them were perfect... aka michael... some of them were not. i would NEVER ever recommend that any body who is still in high school should have a steady boy friend.  it leads to too much heart ache.  it leads to you becoming too comfortable with each other too soon.   which leads me to my next lesson.

2. don't rationalize.  if you know what you are doing looks like something, than it probably is.  i don't want to be all preachy by any means. heaven knows i have made ever single one of these mistakes and this is what i have learned from them.  if it looks like you are passionate kissing, but you know that the for strength of youth says that you aren't supposed to do that... so you rationalize saying "but i'm a righteous person".... you are still passionate kissing.  call it what you want it is what it is.  if you and some boy are spending a lot of time together but neither of you want to be in a serious relationship because you know that you are supposed to be dating other people and getting to know lots of people.... but you still only kiss and cuddle with each other for heavens sake!! YOU ARE DATING! he is your boy friend.  (the caps is a frustration at myself, it is not directed at anyone in particular just fyi). rationalizing is the first step to making bigger decisions.  it is how satan can get us to truly mess up because we rationalize the little things until before we know it we have rationalized the big mistakes.

3. if you can't tell your family about the person you're dating, or what you are doing with that person.... DON'T DO IT!  in fact i have learned that don't even try to keep secrets.  tell your family everything about your relationship, let them know who you are out with.  tell them about the butterflies you got when he held your hand.  call your mom and tell her about the crappy date you went on the night before when the guy spent the whole night telling you about how much he hated the cheerleaders in high school and how now he takes pride in taking them out on dates and breaking their hearts just to get even.  if you can be honest to your family about your relationship then you can be sure that it is on the right track.

4. keep communication in your relationship IN your relationship.  you do not need a middle man in a relationship, in fact often times it is FATAL to the relationship.  if you are worried about something your boyfriend said or did don't go ask his best friend about it... GO ASK HIM! this is not rocket science people.  if you can't talk to each other, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.  while it is wonderful for your friends to become friends with your boyfriend it is not appropriate for your best friend and your boy friend to talk about your relationship more than you and your significant other.  don't tell your friends about problems you are having.  while it may be tempting to vent to your bff about how your boy friend never texts you back and is always hanging out with that girl from calculus. don't. spend that time you would talk to her about it, and talk to HIM about it.

5. while group dates are fun, it's the single dates that make a relationship grow.  this advice is for people who are out of high school, since single dating really encourages steady relationships if you are in high school group dating is where it is at. for kids out of high school i have realized that group dating really should be left for when you are in a more stable committed relationship.  if you ask a girl out, take her out to get to know her.  in a group that is difficult because you will become distracted by everybody else and the other conversations going on.  it really turn into a hang out.  take her out, talk to her, learn about her, and decide if you want to pursue a relationship.  play the age old question game for heaven's sake! once you have built that relationship, introduce her to your friends, do things with other people! have fun! but always remember to make time for some one on one growing time.

6. don't be boring.  while every body loves to cuddle, and who doesn't like a good romantic comedy, am i right?! spending every night sitting on the couch spooning and watching a movie is not going to facilitate a relationship that is rounded and healthy.  get up! use your imagination, see how many fun things you can do for under $5.  get to know other people, go do service, go work out, DO SOMETHING! not only does sitting around get boring, but it can also lead to that age old problem of too much kissing and not enough talking.  i can't believe i just typed that.... any way i really do mean it! kissing isn't bad, but it's really powerful! especially when it's somebody that you really really really really like.  just play it safe!

7. don't be jealous! this is something that michael taught me.  it's a pretty controversial idea as well. everyone wants to know that they are valued.  girls especially want to know that if they started dating somebody else you would miss them. however, getting all bent out of shape because she is talking to her male professor is ridiculous. at the same time girls..... have the confidence to know that you are number 1! there is nothing more attractive than a girl who is secure.  know that if he is talking to that girl, she is just a friend. if he didn't want to be with you... then he wouldn't. DUH!  michael used to always say that jealousy was just a lack of trust.

8. be independent & avoid PDA.  there is nothing more annoying than being that girl friend who is only happy when she is "in her boyfriend's arms" (you start annoying yourself trust me... but not before you annoy every person who has ever met you first).  while showing affection is very important in a relationship it's even more important to be tactful about it.  it goes back to keeping the relationship inside the relationship. hang out with your own friends.  do some things separately (while i don't know how healthy this is for marriage seeing as i am... single... this works wonders when dating) you really come to value and appreciate the time that you do get to spend together.

9.  be conscious of the other person.  if you know that the person you are dating is taking the act and their favorite candy bar happens to be a kit-kat bar... leave it on their car for them.  if your girl friend looses the lacrosse semi finals and her favorite drink is diet coke meet her in her drive way when she gets home with 2 2 liters.  if your boy friend has a headache try rubbing his neck, or giving him a hand massage,  (a lot of tension is stored in those two places and really helps with tension headaches).  and if you have watched 5 chick-filcks try compromising and watch a comedy instead.  if your girl friend randomly starts crying for no reason at all while doing homework, simply go get her a box of tissues and hold her hand.  don't try to fix it, because unless it's something you've done... which it's probably not since she's sitting there doing homework with you rather than her girl friends... you can't fix it.

this is my last one

10. never take for granted the time that you have together.  every second is precious! even if it's just a few minutes where you get to talk before work, or passing in the hallway.  make it count.  don't waste it by being angry.  don't waste it by fighting, or trying to get your way.  make it fun! from every relationship you are in you learn something, so even if you do break up... no second is wasted, because it is a second where you are improving yourself.

these are just a few of my thoughts. they are based off of the for strength of youth standards by the LDS church. and yes because i am a girl they are based off of the girls perspective.  i would never judge somebody else's relationship, nor do i consider myself a dating expert (like i said before) but these are just a few of my insights that i have learned in the few years that i have been dating.

a challenge!

it's no secret that i have a favorite drink..... diet coke is probably the best drink on the face of the planet.  however the drink can be very controversial. some haters are gonna hate.  but last night jonathan was like "kalli if i challenged you to not drink diet coke for a whole month could you?" (very missionary-esqu right?) and i was like "of course i could!"

so there you go i'm not going to drink any diet coke for an entire month! it's going to be a great adventure.  it's not because i think that diet coke is a bad drink, and i really don't think i'm that addicted.

i like this idea.  i need to be more healthy, but more than that i need to start making and keeping some goals.  it's time for me to step it up.... ya know on the path to becoming a better person and everything?

i'm a junior.... shut the front door!

people! this week was the week that never seemed to end. but seriously. can i just tell you about everything that happened this week?!
so let's start off with monday the first day of school! so exciting right?! i LOVE that first day you wake up, put a skirt on (just so you start off the year right), do your hair and make up perfectly, grab a breakfast and just before heading out the door pick up your backpack (all ready pre packed because you actually took the time to be prepared by putting all of your cute new notebooks and pens in it) and head out the door.  i love the first day of school when you are a returning student more than i love the first day of school at a NEW school... you get to look around for all the people that you all ready know from other classes, wards, or random encounters in the library/cannon center if you are a helaman hall alumni.  whereas when you are a new student you are busy staring wide eyed 1) at all the giant buildings that you know somewhere inside of there is a class that is going to totally dominate your life for the next 4 months 2) your schedule/campus map to try and figure out where you are supposed to be 3) and all the attractive boys/ their ring finger so that way you don't completely embarrass yourself by flirting with someone who is married (even though according to my friend jonathan nothing is really eternal.... we hope he's kidding).

so monday morning was great i got up got nice and put together (and exciting note my room mate/ the only room mate who actually speaks to me, Lindsey, was even up at the same time as me so i wasn't getting ready all alone like i always have done in the past) and went to work.  gab and i had made plans to meet at legends at 12:30 for lunch we hadn't been there since the glory days of freshman year when food money was just swiping your student id and it was magically paid for. after a delicious lunch of chicken nuggies and fries for me and a cuban sandwich for gab (ironic since she is cuban) we headed up the rb stairs to head to class.
when we got to brigham square we ran into our bff kimmy and her oh so swave brother steven. 

maybe one of my other favorite parts about the first day of school is the squeals of delight you hear throughout campus of girls running into their old room mates, best friends from high school, someone they met on a double date four months before, that girl that sat 3 seats behind you in history class and you never really talked about anything besides the fact that you are probably going to fail the class but it forever bonded you to each other, or 20 of the girls from your hall freshman year.... yep it's the nosiest campus will be all semester because nobody has plugged in their headphones yet.

this is the point in the blog post where kalli tells all about her embarrassing first day of school moment.  so here at BYU we have a few buildings that really nobody likes.... like for real.  the MARB and the CLYDE..... both are acronyms for a super long general authority name that i can't remember.... i think the marb might be like something martin harris something.... any way i digress.  my freshman year i had physical science in the CLYDE building.... and i swear that first month of school i could NEVER find that building.... like ever. i called it the room of requirement because you would have to walk by it 3 times before you could actually find it. so any way fast forward to my junior year of college i have mission prep (with brad wilcox btw... yeah be jealous) in the MARB... which is the building that i had church in all last year... in fact i had sunday school in room 247 and that was the room mission prep was in.  so me and kimmy were walking towards the same area of campus and we split off to go our separate ways... her to the brimhall.... me to the MARB, or so i thought.  i spent the next 25 minutes walking up and down all the halls and stairs of the CLYDE looking for room 247.  i could not figure out for the life of me how the rooms could skip from 245 to 293 where were the missing rooms?! so i walked into this office in the CLYDE and was like "hey where's room 247" (keep in mind i wasn't even shy or bashful looking because i am a junior and i know what i'm doing). the lady responded "..... you mean 247... of the MARB?" me "uhhh yeah?" lady "hunny... you're in the CLYDE".......... facepalm......

so i made it to the rest of my classes with out any problems.  after class gab gab and i hit up the psychotic bookstore.... we decided that there was a reason why we would always get to provo early and moved in was so we could go to the bookstore before the first day of school and not run the risk of being trampled by hoards of people rushing for the basket of used iclickers. 

monday night at the BYU singles ward is a big freaking deal.  it's the time where you can go and scope out the fresh potential dates... and there is a 74.9% chance you could meet your future eternal companion that fateful night.  me and lindsey after class hurried and touched up our make up (we want to make a good impression on our future E.C.) and headed out with the freshman boys who offered to drive us to FHE in lehi.  it was an enjoyable night getting to know the ward and i even scored by getting asked to speak in church next sunday.... not. actually speaking in church really isn't that bad... and it has it's advantages.  its 6-8 minutes where ever male in the entire ward is focused only on you.... can you say dating potential?! (ha just kidding)

when i got back me and gab ran to good ol' walmart with her sister to get some last minute supplies.  for gabby that meant notebooks, food, and a planner.  for me that meant some plastic drawers to help maximize the space in my minuscule closet, some purple rit dye to fix my shorts (don't ask it's a long story), some command strips, and a bag of the most delicious trail mix i have ever eaten.... in fact it is the only thing other than cereal that i have eaten this week. unless you could zupas, legends, tacobell, or the free pizza i snatched up when visiting good ol lib square yesterday.


yes people that was my MONDAY... what i just wrote was an abridged version of what happened on my first day of school... singular people just 1 day.  the rest of the week has been just as busy with homework, dates, visiting friends, zupas, shopko, and adventures in the wilk.  it's been a good week, but i'm looking forward to a long weekend hopefully sitting up on the edge of the pool at lava hot springs but who knows

zupas with kimmy.... we love strawberries almost as much as we love each other

visiting at lib square... oh apartment 15!

unlikely friends

so i've been trying to think all week what i would write about on friday that was my favorite.  this week has been interesting to say the least.  i have been tried, and blessed, this week more than i was expecting.  between STILL dealing with that stupid car accident that happened a few months ago, and trying to get everything figured out for the upcoming semester my stress levels have been a little higher than usual.  but like always there have been huge blessings to balance out these stupid little problems that i'm dealing with (i hate complaining, hate, hate, hate, hate it). 

on wednesday night i went to wicked with some pretty amazing ladies (and ty, and callierose's husband).

going to wicked was truly a dream come true.  i can remember from the time i was about 12 years old that i wanted to go soooo bad, so we bought the soundtrack and memorized every single song.  i could not have been happier in that moment when the music started and the munchkins started dancing on stage singing "no one mourns the wicked"

but one huge thing i realized at wicked is how amazing it is when unlikely friends come into our lives.  i found myself reflecting on the greatest part of my life, and that is the people that i interact with.  i found myself thinking about each of the moments where i "made" a new friend.  whether it was sitting with a semi familiar face the first day at lunch in a new school, grabbing some one's arm at a football game freaking out because i didn't want to loose a bet and have to kiss a boy (woods cross should never come that close to beating bountiful... ever.), or standing in line at new student orientation, or splurging the deets on a hot date a doing laundry together, or insulting my orange juice, or our sunday school teacher, all these moments seemed to be shooting stars in my night time sky life.  there are so many moments where for some reason both parties let their guard down and a wonderful friendship was made. 

so today. this friday. my favorite is my friends, (and yes family you guys are considered friends, i can only imagine how upset they would be if i said my only favorites were my "friends"... i'd be bombarded with jealous texts haha).  thank you.  thank you my friends for everything that you have done to change my life.  thank you for putting up with my strange emotions, and my biweekly breakdowns.  thank you for accepting my fear of my big hips, and for pushing me to always do my best.

whether we are sitting in the drive way listening to shania twain, or rocking out to call me maybe those moments changed me.

thank you wicked for reminding me how i have been changed for the better.

happy friday! xoxo

kal

words last.

so the past couple of days i have been shown how lasting words truly are.  i've been spending a lot of time with soccerbry and gigi (imagine that since she's my room mate) and soccerbry mentioned something along the lines that he thought during winter semester that i hated him.  then gigi mentioned how someone had said that I had said that I wanted her and soccerbry to break up.... which i truly never remember saying... BUT that is the point! WHAT IF I HAD?? what if at some flippant moment i had off handily said that i wanted two people who are madly in love with each other to break up.  those words, whether i had said them or not, left a lasting impression. i never hated soccerbry during winter semester, instead i was trying desperately to get my GPA up and to pull an A in some really important classes.  my lack of kind words, or friendliness left my friends with an impression that i thought i was too good for them.   

lately i have been haunted by a memory from when i was a senior in high school (i think... i don't think i was in college yet).  me and michael were hanging out (whoda thunk?!) when my mom asked me to drive my sisters and some of their friends down to the rec center. my sisters are young and so naturally their friends are slightly annoying (as are my sisters sometimes) and for some reason i was in a particular mood that day. 

 her friends were driving me CRAZY.  when we got down to the rec center and they were out of the car, i turned to michael and said something about one of my sisters little friends that I WILL NEVER say again.  it was something that goes against everything i believe, and everything i strive to teach and be. oh my gosh i just shudder thinking about what i said. 

to some people what i said wouldn't be that big of a deal...  in fact people said it to me when i was in elementary school.... and oh how it has left an impression on me... i am SO grateful that the little girl i said that about was not there to witness my indiscretion, but michael was there. michael the person who always pushed me to be better, and who i wanted to have a good opinion of me forever, was the person that witnessed me being so cruel!

michael turned to me and said "kalli that was so mean!" and i didn't say or do anything, i just brushed him off, and went on with our afternoon.  lucky for me michael didn't seem to think it was grounds for breaking up with me (even though it really should have been).  that little girl doesn't know what i said about her, and i don't even know if michael remembers this experience, but what if it was his only impression of me.  he would have forever thought me an intensive, judgemental, mean, shallow girl.... which i really hope that i'm not.....

that was a small experience.  but the words that i said... they are lasting... and they are haunting. 

when i was a little girl in primary my mom made me memorize a poem

what a little thing a tongue is but what damage it can do

by spreading little secrets and things that are untrue.

for words when once they are spoken, especially when unkind;

are never quite forgotten, they linger in the mind.

so always keep your tongue on guard, and watch the words you choose

and there shall never cross your lips the kind you shouldn't use.

when you are little the things that you memorize don't always connect in your brain.  such as the words to i am a child of god, or a poem about watching what you say.  sometimes it is not until you are older when the words from deep in your subconscious ring out and the meaning of those words that you memorized so many years before finally have a meaning. 

words easily slip out.  i am easily the most sassy out of all of my sisters.  i know that i have said things to the people that i care most about, before i was able to keep my tongue on guard.  and i am so embarrassed.  so it's time for a change.  it's time to bridal my words, which will ultimately lead to me bridling my thoughts AND my actions.  it's time to use those lasting words for something good. 

happy tuesday everybody!!

xoxo kal

me and my sisters at temple square this last christmas <3

life's path

"once you start thinking that you have to take a certain path in life you set yourself up for disappointment" these are very "wise" words from a tv character on the show drop dead diva.  lately, not only have i been minorly obsessed with this show (i have to have something to watch as i cut out endless amounts of handouts and paint posters for retreat for girls), but i've been thinking a lot about options.  this show is great! it's about this model who dies in a car accident but then comes back in the body of this overweight lawyer who spends her whole life helping other people.  deb (the model) has to learn how to think about others and how to adjust to her new life as she watches her old life pass her by.

in life we have lots of options.  i was talking to my little sister rylee the other day about her options in high school.  she has the simple choices such as whether she should take 3 years of science in high school, or stay in honor english.  she also has the choice to have a boy friend or to stay single and get to know lots of people.  rylee is a lot smarter than me in some ways.  when i was her age i was CONVINCED that i had 1 path set out for me.  i was destined to end up with my boy friend at that time.  my plan was that we would date until we graduated then he would go on his mission and i would wait for him and get my degree and then a job and then put him through school and then we would live happily ever after. and in the process of all of this i would fix all of his problems, and he would fix all of mine, and we were ment to be, and we would be rich. 

i could not have been more wrong. and i am SO gald my life didn't turn out like that. 

but when it came time to break up and move on (like every high school relationship) it felt like my entire world was going to fall apart.  and how could i not. i thought it was my "destiny" my only option, and now i was going to have to re-route my entire life. very melodramatic i know. 

now that i am older i have fallen in love with all the possibilites that my life could hold.  and i think that is why i am having such a hard time deciding what i want to major in.  or where i want to live in the fall. or if a mission is right for me. 

rylee knows that in high school you aren't going to figure out that 1 set path for you, and in fact i am learning that i don't think you ever really learn it.  life's path is constantly changing and if you set yourself up for a plan that isn't flexible then you are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache and a jolting awakening. 

make plans to live your dreams, but be flexible about it.  things aren't going to go as you planned and the sonner you understand that the happier YOU will be. 

set backs

does it ever seem to any one else that just as everything looks like it is going to work out everything falls apart? ya me to. in about march i was studying in the library for a particularly nasty round of midterms when i got a call from my grandma wondering if i would want to house sit for my aunt and uncle this summer.  it seemed to be an answer to my prayers, for spring i was going to live with my family and they would pay for everything and i could save my money and then in the summer i would just take care of myself.  my job worked out so that i could work full time and the girl that worked the afternoons would get her job back in the fall but still get to go home to her family for the summer.  everything was going to be perfect. 

then everybody decided to go to king henry for spring and have a bunch of fun, which was great when i had a car! but when i crashed my car i not only lost my car, but really my main way to have a social life.

so then i started riding my bike. and that has actually been great. i have gotten in really good shape and i'm not spending money on gas.  but if you remember my friday post from a couple of weeks ago i got a flat tire and so that was dumb. well yesterday when i was riding home i got another flat tire... dang it. and then i was riding down the hill and i flipped over the handle bars and broke my tooth, got a swollen lip, and scraped up my hips. it was insane! this nice boy helped me get back to my aunts house and i spent the rest of the night working on retreat for girls stuff.  

it seems like everytime i get to a spot that is comfortable there is some sort of hill, bump, or turn in the road that is unexpected.

i guess this is how it is for everyone in life isn't it? i mean how often do we make plans and everything is changed? we plan on going to college, getting married, and having a great career with great kids and helping others in our neighborhood learn how to make your prize winning bread recipe.  but in all reality you go to college just barely make it through finals, break up with several boy friends, finally get married, struggle to find a job, your kids are going to struggle, and most likely someone else will make better bread than you. 

it can get discouraging right?

so why even hope? why do we even try? it's because we are all going through the same thing.  we are all trying, and failing, and hitting those bumps in the road.  we have the opportunity to help eachother through this crazy obsitcal course called life. 

I think that is why i love retreat for girls so much.  it is a huge challenge to feel ready to teach these girls about the gospel.  it is hard. and last night sometimes i completely have a meltdown.  i feel like i can't do it. like it is too hard. or not worth it.  but when i think about how much good has come from it... how much good I HAVE seen it becomes worth it. 

i'm about to get real churchy real fast but that is why my favorite scripture is Alma 26: 30-31

30 And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our ^ajoy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some.

31 Now behold, we can look forth and see the ^afruits of our labors; and are they few? I say unto you, Nay, they are ^bmany; yea, and we can witness of their sincerity, because of their love towards their brethren and also towards us.

its because it give a purpose to all of the heart ache that happens.  to all of the trials.  those trials make us who we are, and who we are is the person that is going to help somebody else, who is going to change somebody else's life.

so ya. this has been a pretty long post.  but i'm glad that these things have happened to me (even though the scrapes on my hips are driving me crazy) because maybe they will help me be able to help somebody else someday.

who i want to be

so back in april i did a post about becoming a new me (check it out here.) i made a goal to stop criticizing other people. since then i have been working really hard to be better.  i'm not perfect but i do feel like i have gotten closer to my goal.  so why am i posting again about this? well besides my constant effort to become a better, stronger, happier, prettier, more in shape version of myself, my best friend Michael wrote home this week and talked about his mission president who made everyone feel better about themselves when they are around him (check out the full really great/clever/hilarious/super spiritual letter here.) 
this started me thinking.... do i do that for people? i don't think that i do.... soooo what kalli do you need to change (those were my thoughts btw)

i tried to think of people that make me feel like that, and the ones that kept coming to my mind were sister missionaries, and the ladies that i work with here at work.  Sister Barber and Sister Anderson were probably my two favorite missionaires to ever come through the MTC they always had something nice to say to me.  not only that they talked to me like i was their best friend! Sister Estiva was another sister missionary that just made me feel like a princess, this sounds small but every time i would page her over the intercom system sister estiva would yell back "HI KALLI!" and for some reason it just made me feel really liked. 

so that's my goal now! i want to make other's feel better about themselves when they are around me i'm going to be more sincear, be a better listiner/rememberer, use names whenever possible, and just more consiously try to help those around me.