learning how to be alone

since crashing my car i have spent a lot of time.... alone.  when i was in high school the thing that i hated more than anything was being alone. if my mom was going to the grocery store i had to go with her, if my best friend was just going home to watch tv and my family wasn't home i went home with her, i avoided any solitary time like the plague.  looking back i think allot of that had to do with my underlying insecurities i had as a high school student. now here is a little disclaimer... i'm a really confident person and so most things don't scare me (except for public transportation and being alone) any way long story short i think that every teenager (actually probably most people in general) have insecurities and i KNOW that every person just wants to be accepted.  

so through all of this alone time i have had a lot of time to think about who i want to be and how i want to live my life. it's been great because i have gained the ability to be completely comfortable with myself and who i am.  everyone is seeking for the approval of others, but when you are comfortable with yourself other's opinions don't weigh as heavily on your mind.  i've learned that i can make myself happy and others, while they contribute to that happiness, are not the crucial factor in my happiness.  i was on pintrest yesterday while i was at work and i found this pin (it's kinda weird) but the saying on it describes perfectly how i have become.  

people are important. and we aren't meant to live this life alone! we all are supposed to have friends and family that we spend our time with.  but maybe we all just need to take a little time and finger out who we are by ourselves so we don't get so confused about who we want to be with our friends.  

since crashing my car i've had to re-evaluate my life.  i made a list of all the things i want 

-to go on a mission

-to graduate from byu 

-to date

-to have a fun exciting social life 

-to keep working at the MTC 

-to loose 10 lbs (haha jk... well kinda)

-to help those around me

-to be the best girls retreat counselor EVER 

and all the things i don't want:

-to drop out of byu

-to not have a car

-to move home

-to be a selfish person

-to become boring 

and all the things i can't control

-if people ask me on dates

-when i start my papers

-if i get fired (i don't think it will happen but if it did i couldn't control it)

-if an earthquake happens 

-if my retreat girls like me

and all the things i can control

-how hard i work at school

-how much money i save for my mission 

-how hard i work to prepare for retreat for girls 

-how outgoing i am

-how kind i am 

-how i spend MY time 

so all these things are affected by who i chose to be every day, and being alone has helped me figure out who i want to be! it's great! i love that i am becoming so comfortable in my own skin. 

have a great weekend 

xoxo