a new kalli... here goes nothing

so i've been thinking a lot about what to post next.  this last weekend was full of growing experiences and has caused me to think a lot about what i really want in life and where i want to end up.  i went home this weekend because it was general conference.  i just LOVE that weekend, i would say it even rivals christmas.... but any way it was great to get to spend some time with my sisters (adorable as ever) and my bffs syd, em, and jen (thanks to syd for making some seriously BOSS cookies and sunny for the texas sheet cake)  

photo credit to sydney dietrich also here is the recipe for those of you who are interested <3
click here

i had a lot on my mind when i came up, i am trying to get this fall planned out with school and such and lately i have been feeling very strongly about serving an LDS mission (if you don't know what this is click on the button to your right to check out what i believe) 

this would be a huge sacrifice because i would need to save up as much money as i could and i would be leaving all of my friends and family for 18 months! i would miss Rylee's graduation, Emma turning 16, Kim's wedding (let's be honest we all know it's going to happen), my other friend's weddings, my guy friends coming home from their missions, and that is just the social aspect. i also would be putting all my education on hold and leaving a job that i absolutely ADORE! 

but i digress, the purpose of the post is not to discuss me serving a mission.  whilst (great word right?!) at home i found myself nagging my little sisters, especially rylee,

isn't she beautiful!?!? (this is rylee btw)

 and trying to run the entire weekend.  this tends to happen because when i come home i try to cram as much funtivities into the smallest amount of time (it's a symptom of being a funbuncher).  pretty soon the whole weekend consisted of me trying to settle arguments that i started with my family.  IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING. and the truth is that i just say these things not to be rude or judgmental or annoying i do it because i love them so much and i can see what they can become.  

any way the weekend didn't end very well and i ended coming back to provo with a pretty crappy attitude about my life.  i was scared, frustrated, and stressed.  but then i started thinking about some of the talks that i listened to this weekend at general conference.  one that stood out in my mind was President Uchtorf's talk about not judging each other. 

i started thinking about how much i had been feeling judged lately and how i have just been feeling sorry for myself. but then i took a look at myself and realized i have been doing the same things to those around me.... i criticize and judge and try to tell others how they could be doing something better.  i don't know about y'all but when somebody who always criticizes me tells me that i need to change something i tend to roll my eyes and disregard it and their usual nagging.  however, if someone who usually is on my side mentions something that i could work on i really take that to heart because i know that they genuinely care about me.  

i hate to think that i could be one of those people who is constantly criticizing and nagging those around me.  so i've decided that is my newest goal.  i used to be someone who was compassionate to all those around her, and someone who rarely said anything mean.  i need to get back to that girl.  so here goes nothing.  i'm going to start small, but i know what my ultimate goal is.  i want to have a house when i grow up that doesn't criticize but lifts and grows those who enter.  its time to make some changes kalli.